My Own Oxford Year
I’m sure many of you reading this have heard about or even watched that movie “My Oxford Year” on Netflix.
The number of times I was sent that trailer was actually quite hilarious. I, like many of those who actually went to and/or live(d) in Oxford, have many thoughts on the movie (and its authentic depiction of life as an Oxford student), but that is far from what this post is about.
This post does touch on something that the movie BRIEFLY touched on - the beauty and magic of this city. So as I’m reflecting after MY own year abroad in Oxford, I wanted to share to you this post on MY own experience and what I’ve learned this year.
I fell in love this year.
No, not with a boy.
With a city.
With a city, with its people, and ultimately with life again.
Can we start with my love letter to this city?
A city filled with beautiful buildings. Rich with history. With stories.
One of the things I’ve missed the most about the city now that I’m back home is the walkability of Oxford. There is just something about walking around a city, surrounded by amazing architecture and old buildings, that makes you WANT to walk around everywhere. While that movie showed just a snippet of the beauty that is Oxford, I got to live it out for an entire year.
The walk as you turn down St. Mary’s Passage from High Street and see the beautiful round-dome-shaped building called the Radcliffe Camera, you know you are in a special place. I love a good cream tea, especially at Vaults, but if you haven’t been around RadCam during sunset or in the evening, with an ice cream in hand, sitting on the steps opposite of the RadCam, you are missing out.
There is something about walking the cobbled-stoned roads, the alleyways surrounded by old bricked buildings or colourful ones, or sitting at one of the many cafés around the city that just feels different. Or sitting having a wee picnic in UniParks (with Bob, my beloved picnic blanket!) or having the most quintessential Oxford falafel wrap on the Memorial steps, or sitting on the Clarendon steps watching tourists walk around that hits different. Maybe it’s the feeling of being cooped up in a beautiful library like the RadCam or the Bodleian during your dissertation writing days or having brunch with your friends at college or that time you go punting but realized you’re incredibly terrible at it, that just makes this place even more magical.
Eating a good roast on Sunday, or being introduced to pub culture (do you know people work in pubs?) or making friends with wild horses at Port Meadow or a long walk around Christ Church meadows or going to a CASTLE on a Sunday afternoon before church because it’s only a bus ride away and because we can.
Even in the winter months or the gloomy weather, this place has a special place in my heart.
The city is incredibly beautiful and I sincerely fell in love with it.
I am so incredibly thankful to have had this experience - I think being in Oxford this past academic year has really brought a spark back into my life again.
I sincerely felt like the past couple of years have been meh. There were times where I felt incredibly lost, super anxious, and just did not feel like myself. There were circumstances in my life that contributed to it, yes, but overall I just felt really flat.
Deciding to go abroad was definitely a risk in many ways. 1) I was once again “stopping my life” - one where I was just starting out in this new career that I’ve recently pivoted into and was getting into the groove of 2) financially - going back to school full-time means I have to stop work, meaning no income coming in, and also going abroad is expensive 3) going to a completely different country knowing nobody - what if instead of having this grand experience, meeting new people, I just feel MORE isolated being away from my safe people here at home?
Leading up to my physically moving to the UK, my anxiety was through the roof. At one point, I almost talked myself out from going, only for my best friend to tell me she would put me into a suitcase and drag me there if she had to.
Do not get me wrong, the move was intimidating. Navigating a new country yourself is hard. Having no support system present is hard. Going back to school is hard. Change is hard. But am I glad that I did the hard thing.
One of the things that I’ve told people about being there, was how inspired I felt. The conversations I’ve had with multiple, incredibly intelligent individuals, not only intimidated me, but inspired me. Going back to class, having discussions about things I was really interested in, made me motivated to read, to learn, and ultimately to work on a research project that I was passionate about. It really lit a fire to pursue more things (maybe more schooling too?) that I feel like God is calling me to do.
Moreover, I really had time this past year to be reflective, take time for myself to be by myself. Which led me to really take time to be with the Lord - I’ve never journalled as much as I did this past year and really invested in my prayer life.
And one of the things that have really helped me develop that discipline, is the people that I was surrounded with.
Which leads me to the last thing, the people. Oh where do I start?
One of my deep fears about moving was making friends. You might read this and laugh, because I know that a lot of people I told that to before moving did, but it’s true. I’ve heard time and time again how difficult it is to make friends in adulthood. I’ve also been warned about “romanticizing” going abroad - that while it sounds really lovely, a lot of people feel really isolated. And as much as I can do small talk and I’m not bad at making friends, deep down I am looking for deeper friendships, not just surface level ones…and those are hard to make period, let alone in a span of a year.
But the Lord was so so kind. I was SURROUNDED by amazing people. So while I give some shoutouts to some of my dear friends and tell you how the Lord knitted some of my friendships this past year, I’ll also share some of the things that I’ve learned about friendships, and making friends especially in a completely new place.
The first thing and one of the main advice I would give to anyone, is to get plugged in to a community ASAP.
For me, my main community of people is my church. Getting plugged into a church was one of the first things I wanted to do once I got to Oxford and I was so fortunate to get in plugged in so quickly. On my first Sunday, the Lord graciously connected me with people who welcomed me right into the community (hi NP!). From there I quickly got even more plugged in by joining a small group at church. Pause here for two things:
1) I really really really recommend getting involved in a small group, especially if you want to expand your friendship circles/make new friends in a new setting. It’s such a great way not only to meet people, but to make deeper connections by getting to know a smaller group of people more intimately.
2) One of the other special thing about the Oxford Christian community is the postgraduate groups! I’ve never seen anything like it in any other places. Churches in Oxford not only have groups tailored for undergraduate students, but they also have a focus on postgraduates. I was able to attend seminars, workshops, conferences specifically tailored for postgraduates which led to making connections with those in similar life stages, similar disciplines, and those with the same values.
If you’re heading to Oxford for a postgraduate degree, I recommend looking into the Oxford Pastorate and all the wonderful things they are doing for the postgraduate Christian community in Oxford. And if you are looking for a church, I LOVED being a part of the St. Ebbes family!
I have SO many things I can say about my Thesis group, aka small group, Table 5. To my Chao5 group, thank you for being the best Thesis group hands down (sorry not sorry). I looked forward to Tuesday nights spent with all of you. What I love most about our group, is not how we just clicked with each other or how fun/chaotic/welcoming our group was, but how encouraging our group was, consistently pointing each other towards the Lord. Thank you all for being you and bringing your amazing, unique personalities to the table. I walk away from our discussions feeling refreshed and encouraged. I also love how committed everyone was to coming consistently on Tuesdays, how much we loved praying for one another, and the fact that we genuinely enjoyed spending time with each other even outside of church. I am so so blessed to have been a part of this group and I know that I’ve gained some lifelong friends (and an adopted sibling) through it, and I am so thankful.
Another thing is don’t be afraid to get involved and serve at church. I told myself that I would take a step back from serving this past year, especially with going to a new church and all. I thought this was an opportunity for me to just be and not really get involved, but again the Lord had different plans. Saying yes to being part of the worship team or to help with washing up my second week in Oxford only led me to meeting some of the best people that I probably would have never met if I didn’t say yes.
Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there and do things that are a little scary. I remember seeing a post about a social gathering before term officially started last October for postgraduates. I was so hesitant on going, again not knowing anyone and putting myself in a potentially super awkward situation. I was once again encouraged to step out of my comfort zone and go - I ended up walking away with two new friends from that event, even before classes started, both friends I kept in touch with throughout my time there, even until now (hi May & Claire!).
Take advantage of situations where you are given the opportunity to meet/get to know people. I was lucky in that I was enrolled in a program where I was kind of in some way forced to meet people. My cohort was small, 16 of us (shoutout to the CDE group), and so in that way it is easier to connect with and make friends. I was lucky though, I had some gals in my classes that I really clicked with. To my Hufflepuff girlies, thankful for you both - for all the discussions, bouncing off of ideas, the venting sessions, as well as all the fun we had this year! Thank you for being two of my early friends in Oxford and for always checking in.
And when someone takes the time to introduce yourself, don’t be afraid to reciprocate! Follow up on those introductions or take advantage of those around you connecting you with other people - you really don’t know who you’ll click with (hi Bethan!).
Say hi, even when it feels awkward. You never know where you’ll meet people or make friends. I was at matriculation at the beginning of the academic year when I heard people speak Indonesian in front of me. At this point I was separated from the group of college people I was with and the choice was either to stay to myself or engage in a potentially awkward interaction and say hello. I thought, what could I lose? Realistically, I may never ever see these people ever again, so I took the plunged and said hello. I walked away making two friends that I can’t wait to meet up and eat yummy Indonesian food with next time I go back to Jakarta (Hi Jes and Ken!).
Say yes. To that brunch, even if you haven’t met most of the people going. You might end up meeting some people that feel like family, leading to future brunches, online prayer meetings, and planning future Disney trips (love my Disney crew!). To being a part of a band (shoutout RedWing), even when you don’t feel competent. Not only do you get to jam with some super fun people, you might meet a friend you just super click with closer to the end of your time there (cheers Soph!).
Sometimes you need to take the initiative. Asking people for coffee or a walk can be extremely daunting. As someone who is an extrovert, I also can find this anxiety-inducing…but sometimes in order to cultivate those relationships or find those deeper friendships, YOU might need to take that initiative to do it. A coffee outing could lead to deep friendships with ladies that not only lift you up, encourages and supports you, but ultimately keeps you accountable. Danielle and Ashley, you know how thankful I am for the both of you. Thankful that the Lord knitted our friendship together, that I have two sisters in Christ I can come to - to do life together, to pray together and to point me towards Christ. My time in Oxford would be significantly different, if you two were not a part of it.
Now, I’m not saying that it was all rainbows and sunshine - there was still really difficult times during the year. Being homesick, the stress of actually being in a gruelling school environment, getting hit by a cyclist, and more. But I would not change anything for the world.
I’ve learned to be more bold, be more patient, and that I CAN do hard things. I learned to be more independent - the ups and downs of that, and to not take for granted home, family and how grateful I am for my people at home. And at the same time, what it means to be more dependent - on the Lord, especially in times of uncertainty, and how to be more open & vulnerable with others/to ask for help.
I learned what it was like to do life with people. I’ve said this before, but being in Oxford really helped me reflect on Mom and channel her in how she did life with people and love on people. Oxford gave me the time and space to invest in people, in a setting where things feel a little bit more intense and condensed - there’s something different being there and ‘Oxford time’ should really be studied.
I get to walk away not only with hopefully a Masters degree, but friends who not only I feel like will be around for a long time, but those that end messages or phone calls with ‘how can I pray for you?’ and boy how lucky I am to have gained those friendships.
So my year in Oxford?
The best.